Do you ever think to yourself, “Man, making friends is a lot harder now then it was when we were younger!” I say WE because as a wife and mother my friends are my husband and daughter’s friends and vice versa.
In my teenage years it was easier to call up friends for girls nights, sleepovers and shopping dates but these days hanging with friends is a bit different.
Life is very different then it was ten years ago. My life now includes two people who I am very protective of and take pride in. Choosing friends to come into our circle is a very important choice.
It seems like once you are married this becomes a little more challenging. Most of the time spent with friends is with your significant other and children. As for us, Tim and I are VERY different. He comes off as the fun, outgoing, carefree, happy, crazy one who will do just about anything and I come off as well what everyone likes to refer to as the “fun police”. Oh I am nice, generous and dependent but as far as “party girl” this girl is far from that. I feel like I grew up a bit faster than most and I also see that in Madison.
I am a very responsible person let’s just put it that way.
So anything that seems dangerous, deadly or a bad idea I will be the first to say “um no thanks.” Don’t get me wrong I love a glass of wine or two and love to spend time with friends but I might come off a little less adventrous.
As a mother, my motherly instincts kick in with anyone and anything and I usually voice my opinion pretty quickly.
I choose to avoid certain events and stay away from things that make me uncomfortable.
This sometimes causes Tim to make the choice to go alone or also say no.
This can put him and I in sticky situations but in the end we find compromise.
This is sometimes a bad thing in others eyes.
I have found that most people assume that when Tim chooses not to do something that I made him decide that way and that is completely untrue.
With him coming off as the guy that will do anything makes me look like the girl who will do nothing or wants him to do the same.
I don’t hold this against him but our friends seem to assume that I “make” him give up certain options.
Which often leaves me feeling guilty even though he decided how he is spending his time.
Do you have this problem? If so, how do you deal with this and what did you do to overcome situations like these?
I have come to realize that if you can’t love me for me and respect my decisions then this circle isn’t for you.
It may seem a little harsh but in the end it is about my family and my happiness.
I have found that some couples are not so accepting to the way Tim and I handle things or what we choose to do and not do but that is ok. I have also found that our good friends know how we work and are accepting to anything. These are people who I plan on keeping around until the end of time!
It’s a little more difficult to find friends as a couple with a child then when you are single. The single people want you to come out to the bars and get a babysitter every time as where couples with children completely and 100% understand that the little one is a part of you and sometimes you actually want them there to be a part of your hangout. (This opinion is solely based upon my past experiences, this doesn’t mean everyone is this way)
The influence from friends is a huge deciding factor for me as well. If I wouldn’t do something in front of my child I don’t want someone else doing it.
I am very sensitive to the fact that there have been so called friends who have came into our lives and became a very big part of Madison’s life and then left. This not only hurts Tim and I but Madison as well. I hate to have her ask where is so and so and know that she will never see them again. At a young age she is innocent and doesn’t understand these types of situations yet.
As for making friends as a couple the main challenge we have faced is we seem to have more time open. At least we make the time. We might have something planned but if a friend invites us to do something we are there no matter what. We say yes to a lot of people and receive a lot of no’s from others. I find it hard as a couple to find other couples who have the free time. I have been told that this is a part of life and that as we get older family is all you really have. I just cannot seem to accept that. I want people to want and need us as much as we need them. It gets a little aggravating hearing well maybe next time or I will let you know. This just says to me I don’t have the time for you.
We have our good friends that make the time, call, text and let us know that they need us and that makes my heart happy. Finding those few genuine friends are hard to come by. Life gets in the way sometimes but if you think about it the house can wait, the cleaning can wait, the bills can wait. In the end I want to die knowing that I spent every moment I could laughing, smiling and having fun with our loved ones. Wouldn’t you agree?
How do you find friends that fit into your circle and what do you find the most challenging in friendships? How have you overcame these obstacles and built friendships?