Cheesier than Mac and Cheese

As I sit here staring at my white blank screen and flashing cursor I find one huge topic that lays heavy on my heart and mind.
I am a very attached "type" of girl.
NO I don't mean relationship, boy crazy stalker type attached. (Okay maybe I have that in me too)
I mean I attach myself to everything I love and devote my time, efforts and thoughts to it 24/7.
No matter what it might be I dedicate my heart, mind and soul to it completely.
The one thing that I feel like I have always put in 110% was my friendships.

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I invite girls shopping. I call, email, instagram, fb message, tweet you name it I keep in touch almost daily. Buying great gifts for each and everyone of them, joining parties, celebrations and monumental life events together.

I loved sleepovers as a little girl. I loved spending time with all my bff's. Telling stories, painting our nails, eating way too many fattening foods, staying up late and just being our crazy selfs.
I guess I can finally admit to myself and to the world that I let others fulfill my happiness. I can't get past it. The time I spend with friends is when I am the happiest. I feel like the large hole in my heart is full and complete. Knowing someone else wants to see me, talk to me, share things with me or cares about me makes my heart happy and calms my mind.

I ask myself almost every day "What is it that I could be doing to make someone want to hang out with me, call me, send me a text or even want to drop by and say hello?" "What does it take for a follower blogger friend to become a closer friend?" "Should I be doing something different?"
"Is it that our lives are too busy now? That the older we get the less friends come in and out of our lives?" That all of this is to be expected? Not to take it personally?

I'm not saying I don't have friends or that I am completely alone. I would love to make new circles. I get jealous hearing about the Blates that are happening all around me or the bonds made between friends. I want that!

My mother always told me to stay close to your family because friends come and go and you are lucky to keep a handful throughout life. Do I need to suck it up and admit to myself that like all other situations my mother is pretty much been right?

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I once had this conversation with the hubs grandmother who might I add is a very genuine, sweet, down to earth, giving, self motivated remarkable individual. I inspire to be just like her.
I asked her this one question "Do you ever feel like you do all of the work and expect the same in return, and then when you don't, you find yourself hurt and questioning yourself?"

She had the best answer and story which made me see a new side of things.
She has this summer girls retreat that a friend of hers had thrown every year since they were younger. This one girl out of the group always planned every last detail. Where they would stay, what they would do, who would be attending etc. So every year a month or two in advance this other girl would send invites out or call each of the other girls with the details. His grandmother and all of the other ladies never once contacted this other girl in all the years this retreat evolved to find out if it were still happening or not that year. They just expected every year that this event would take place as it always had. Even though no prior conversations had been made between any of the ladies, every year the ladies became more and more excited for the event and when the retreat happened the best memories were made. His grandmother ended the conversation saying this "Even though we didn't always exchange conversations with this other friend of theirs they knew she would always come through. They knew she was the coordinator between all of them. They could count on her to bring them all together and to keep the friendship alive."

So in that quick lesson I learned that maybe my friends count on me for communication, party planning and phone or social media conversation?
Are you the coordinator or the expecting recipient? Do you have similar feelings about this issue?

If you are the recipient and rely on the other friend to keep the friendship alive please share your point of view. I need a different perspective on this topic so I can see both sides. Is there a right or wrong to any of this?
It all comes down to me wanting to feel needed, wanted and loved by others. It's the key to my heart. I love my bloggy friendships and my real life every day friendships. Don't you?


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