Socially Awkward: Introvert

One day while having a conversation with a girlfriend at work I had mentioned how I have never been a confident person and my daughter seems to be inheriting the same characteristics. She was shocked and in total disagreement. She would have never thought that about me or Madison and thought that we were two of the most confident and social people she knew. This shocked me.

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One of the main things I noticed right out the gate was how Madison interacted with people outside of our home. Even with family she would shut down, hide behind me and never say a word.

As her mother, I of course know her true personality. She is outgoing, funny, talkative, energetic and a little actress. When it is just her and I she is more comfortable. She laughs, tells jokes, shares stories and spends most days and nights singing and dancing non stop. She is a little ray of sunshine.

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Everything that she possesses mimics the same for me. Alone or one on one with a person I sit half of the time wondering what I should say, what to ask or what they are thinking. I may try to start a conversation but when that topic is dunzo so am I.

I even had a friend once walk me through the introduction stages "How are you? What are your weekend plans? Where do you work? Etc. A social butterfly who could walk into a room, leave with talking to every person and knowing everything about them." I just sit in amazement asking myself "How does she do that?"

My goal is to get to know the person and make plans to continue the friendship or conversation. It just never seems to work that way. For example, get me in a room full of people and I shut down. I want to run for the hills and never look back. I go into super high anxiety mode, my hands start to tremble and I am speechless. I am overwhelmed with thoughts of acceptance. I judge myself entirely way too much and it is hurting my self esteem and my social environment.

With Madison, I encouraged her to join dance class to put her in an uncomfortable environment and let her push past the anxiety, stress and fear of not fitting in. I didn't want her feeling socially awkward like I still do.

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When it comes to this little blog of mine I feel like my introvert personality and socially awkward characteristics has caused me to not grow my blog like I want. I am not confident in asking others to sponsor me, help me or give me advice. I feel like the girl with her toes pointed together, twisting her hair, looking up from under her glasses with a vulnerable lost look. I want to be friends, I want to reach out, I want to grow my blog but I tend to psyche myself out of things instead of taking a leap of faith that everything will work itself out.

Overcoming all of this is a challenge and I hope to find the answers soon. I can only imagine that I am not the only person feeling this way?

How do you manage being social? Are you an introvert or extrovert?