In Recovery

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Recently, I have had many things on my mind and heart that have weighed heavily on me. With all that has been going on, it has been very difficult to make rational decisions based upon the actions that have been taken by others.

I have been and always will be the one who avoids conflict. In most situations I won’t bring something up to someone, give advice (when it may upset someone) or “tell someone off” (especially if needed) because I hate to think of myself as “that” person.

Then I think to myself, what is so bad about being “that” person?

Someone who doesn’t take crap from anyone? Someone who follows their heart and mind and does what is best for the well being of oneself and family? Someone who is strong willed and powerful in their own decision making?

If “that” person is all of this and much more than I hope to become that person. I let my heart lead the way even though my mind is telling me something else and I don’t stand up for myself.

I often wonder when thinking about people, how many true real people they have in their life that they can trust. A small circle or a large circle? If it is a large one, then I am envious because it seems like the older I get the less people I find standing next to me. Now everyone has their opinion of why this could happen but no one but yourself knows the truth regarding your actions towards others.

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I feel like no matter what you do for some people, they will continue to look you in the eye and lie. They take advantage of you and manipulate your thoughts making you feel “crazy” or that nothing is really happening.

So while standing back re-evaluating all of my thoughts the only thing that came to my mind was "Must take action now". I needed to confront all who needed to be confronted and that be the end. Or would it be? Then I thought to myself, why? Would this really change a person's attitude or how they would treat me or others? Would all of the negative actions that have been taking place suddenly stop? No, probably not. My feelings inside were due to anger, resentment, and feelings of betrayal.

Instead of becoming a version of myself that I do not like by stooping down to someone else level I will stay true to myself.
Silence speaks volumes and whether or not the big picture is acknowledged or not, I will live each day knowing that I stopped letting people take advantage of me and abuse my friendship and trust.

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Some things happen in our lives that wake us up out of a daze and slap us so hard that we realize our self value and worth. Today was my day.

Have you experienced your day? Or are you still waiting for it to happen to you? Don't wait. Take control of your life today and make the changes that are needed in your life before it's too late.